16 Things You’ve always wanted to know about Ryan Clark Self

February 3, 2009

People that write 16 random things about themselves are obviously 1) lame 2) have too much free time 3) are named Ryan Clark Self. That being said I was tagged in two of these lame notes and so being lame decided to make one myself…because I’m lame.

Once your tagged you have to write 16 unique things about yourself (you HAVE to) and then tag 16 ppl who you write random crap about including the person that tagged you (I better see 16 random notes in the morning)

1) Sometimes whenever I’m asked for my race on surveys I check the box marked Native American/Alaskan, just to throw the survey results off. They won’t miss a protestant white male.

2) I have a deep fear of turning left, not politically, but when I’m driving, turning left into traffic fills me w/ more dread than I can handle so I usually make a right turn into the turning lane and then make a U turn which is much safer than simply turning left.

3) I do NOT have a burn book. It is not a black, leather bound 6” by 4” journal that I bought at Barnes & Noble for $16.99 on September 17, 2007. It does not include the names of over 80 ppl that I have come into contact with over the years and I do not write lengthy entries into it every night before I go to bed. So don’t ask, or I will write about you in my burn book.

4) I was raised in the most conservative county in the United States. I watch Fox news religiously. I read, watch and listen to Bill O’reilly on a daily basis. I have a subscription to the Limbaugh Letter(but I never read it. I also have Barack Obama’s biography next to Ann Coulter’s latest book and am a big fan of Anderson Cooper, also I hate Sean Hannity) 

5) I’m a real expressive thinker, meaning when I’m thinking about something that gets me worked up I start making vivid facial expressions. Whenever I realize I’m doing this I usually try to pretend there’s something in my eye and pray no one noticed me making faces at inanimate objects

6) I’m not a quitter, yes I dropped two classes, changed my major and depledged a social club but it was all for good reasons. (I swear)

7) On occasion, when I’m walking down a hall or a narrow walkway and I don’t want to make that awkward eye contact/hello to the person walking the other direction I pretend to have a mild coughing fit. People must think I’m sick all the time.

8) When I was a small child I had a recurring nightmare where a stick figure with yellow tufts of fuzz at the ends would kick me and all my stuffed animals whenever I pressed the tummy of Winnie the Pooh which made him sing the theme song. (I still get nervous whenever I start hearing the theme song to Winnie the Pooh)

9) Once in High School I told everyone in a game of 3 questions in class that I was distantly related to Martha Stewart, and everyone believed me. 

10) I am a recovering Sims© addict. Some have their booze, others tobacco, still others authentic hello kitty backpacks. For me it’s the Sims.

11) Baby carrots are trying to turn me gay.

12) I once was playing with silly putty and it somehow got in my hair so I decided to give myself a haircut which left a huge spot on the back of my head. My mother then tried to give me a buzz cut which turned out awful and left me looking like a cancer patient in the early stages of treatment. The next day at school was picture day. Of my 20 years on this earth and of all the pictures taken of me during that time, THAT picture is the one my dad has of me on his desk at work.

13) I have an unhealthy stalkerish obsession with Beyonce Knowles, an obsession that only grows whenever I hear her sing “shoulda put a ring on it”. These matters only intensify my animosity towards Jay Z and his relentless need to defile music. Those unhumanly large lips don’t deserve such a talented sassy angel of ebony.

14) I actually enjoy public speaking. I love getting in front of people and making them laugh. I also get extremely quiet whenever I’m around a large group of ppl I don’t know. 

15) My dad was a basketball coach for 25 years. Many of my cousins play or have played basketball in school from my 8 year old cousin on up. I did not inherit this talent. I went to my dad’s basketball camp one year and never told any of my fellow campers that Vic Self was my dad. I didn’t want to brag…and I also sucked at basketball.

16) I’m turning 21 in May. Yes, I know, I’m really old and no, I was not held back in school.

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