Dear Kylie,

February 3, 2009

Dear Kylie,

How many pictures are there of us together? Not only were you a close friend from school but from church as well, a close Christian friend. You are in the crowd of 7th graders from our jr. high musical. You are in pictures from Bluehaven in 8th grade, youth group trips in 9th grade. There are pictures of us playing with children at the orphanage in Anahuac, Mexico. My Junior year scrapbook has pictures of you on nearly every page. I wish the girl in those pictures of would be able to get coffee with me when I came back to Lubbock. 

I wish the girl, who sang at bluehaven, the fiercely independent girl who took crap from no one would still be there when I came back to Sunset during the breaks. I wish the girl who I saw for the first time in over a year back in June at buns over texas had been able to talk longer. I wish I had actually gone out for coffee like we talked about but never did, because I didn’t realize it was the last time.

Where did that girl go? There were no pictures of us in a group at senior prom. There were no pictures of us with our diplomas at graduation. There aren’t any pictures of us together at the senior banquet at our church. There won’t be pictures of us reuniting at our high school reunion.

How can you describe someone’s life through pictures? You can see the girl filled with joy around the children at the orphanage but you would miss the pure genuine spirit behind the face, the spirit that lit up everyone around her. You wouldn’t be able to hear the beautiful voice that came from her, the warm enthusiasm that infected everyone she met. Nothing tarnished that spirit, I don’t know what changed.

I still remember riding in your car to the corn maize, walking around Carlsbad caverns with you in senior year. I remember sitting next to you at the campfire at blue haven in 7th grade, because I had a crush on you. I remember talking to you every day in 7th grade theater, 8th grade science, 9th grade English, sophomore AVD, and world history, junior U.S. history. Finally, I remember talking to you in buns over texas over the summer. I wished we had talked longer. I wish if all you needed was someone to talk to that you would have called me, but now it’s too late, and all I have is pictures to remind me of the beautiful girl that ended her life.

Those pictures, and this song. The song that I listened to while you sat next to me on the bus ride around Anahuac. I always thought of you when I listened to this song. Now I fear I will never be able to listen to it again. I miss you Kylie Ford.

Acoustic # 3 by Goo Goo Dolls

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What’s the point in all this screaming?
No one’s listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
‘Cause she’s got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
‘Cause the world got in her way
What’s the point in ever trying?
Nothing’s changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you’re falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
‘Cause the world gets in your way
What’s the point in all this screaming?
You’re not listening anyway

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